Advice To Single Ladies Who Feel Like It’s The End Of The World (Without A Husband)

Let me guess…

Every moment in your life has become a nightmare since you closed your books and passed out of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) programme.

Your birthday is a few days away. The dreaded 30s are in a haste to make a grand appearance in a couple of weeks, hours or months. But if you are like me, your birthday has come and gone.

Your family members use every minute opportunity to ask the usual question-Who is on board? Or your friends decorate your Facebook and Instagram feeds with oppressing pictures of their spouses or yet to be spouse.

When people call you a queen, you set the ignore button on the motion. They don’t understand the pressure you deal with being 30 and single.

By the way, who is a queen without a king? How are you recognised as a queen without your king casting his shadow on you?

These folks know nothing.

You’ll never measure up to standard. You’ll never attain worth. You’re just a queen-in-waiting hoping to be found by your man. Until he finds you, you’ll forever be incomplete. Sounds like the end of the world, right?

That’s how you feel anyway.

Sometimes, you wonder if you are under a curse.

Here’s a secret you should know…

I feel the same way.

Secret out. Ouch!

I bet you. If my mother or brother finds this post, they’ll be amazed I go through the same motions as you.

Why?

I seldom talk about my desire to be in a relationship let alone get married. Whenever the issue is brought to my attention, I shoot my ready-made answer- GOD WILL DO IT!

A Voice Inside My Head Tells Me I’m May Not Get Married

8th March every year is special for me. A day I get to celebrate my birthday and International Women’s Day. I enjoyed a swell time last Sunday. People were encouraged to do more with their lives and families as I rendered my speech in Church.

I took awesome shots, made a new hair, and baked no cake. Wasn’t a challenge except:

• No man to make me feel extra special.
• No man to fix me a surprise birthday treat.
• No man to tell me my birth added colour to his life.

The birthday was just me, my family, friends, and church.

Amazingly, despite the numerous calls and text messages I received, no one reminded me of my single status. But the nagging voice did.

The nagging voice inside my head reminds me constantly of my single status.

It suggests as long as a brother is a church boy and prays in tongues, then he is a husband material.

It reminds me of the rigours of childbirth if I get married late.

It reminds me of my status in the society as long as no ring graces my finger.

It suggests I may never get married if I keep raising the standards.

I call this voice Miss Critic. The one who desires instant gratification.

Chances are you’ve already met. Can you relate to her suggestions?

5 Ways To Shut Up Miss Critic

#1. Keep Yourself Busy

“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.”

You’ve probably heard the old saying a million times. It’s really up to you to factor out what you desire to do with your life before your man comes along. The time you spent dwelling on the absence of a man in your life can be used for something else.

Here are a few suggestions:

• Start a blog. You don’t necessarily need to be a full-time writer or launch a self-hosted site to start your blog. You can blog about your life, your beliefs, photography and any other thing that interests you during your moments.
• Work. Yeah! You can’t sit wishing Handsome Prince Charming will bail you out of a financial mess. Make your own money, girl. Create multiple streams of income but don’t crack under its weight.

• Start a podcast. Podcasting is the next new thing. It’s on the rise and leaves me thrilled. Imagine your voice reaching the ends of the earth simply because you saw singlehood in a different light.

• Invest in yourself. Read books that raise your awareness of how much you’re worth. Take courses related to Self-Development, financial investment, and Spirituality. If you see the need to pursue your education, please do.

#2. Let God’s Thoughts Reinforce Your Self-Esteem

My lady, your worth doesn’t come from a spouse. Your worth stems from your Maker. This is in no way to undermine your desire to be married. The desire is legit. When Eve was created, the first thing her eyes saw was a man. It’s necessary to note a man and pursuing a relationship with him means so much to you.

You have to search the Scripture to discover your true self.

Here are a few insights:

You are God’s daughter.

You are a vessel of mercy.

You are a star.

You are a woman of excellence.

You are the soul of your future home and the heart of your marriage.

You are a suitable helpmeet.

Before your husband finds you, why not arm yourself with these truths?

#3. Strive to Treat Men as Brothers

Your need for a spouse may make you treat every young unmarried brother who comes around you as a potential suitor.

When he winks at you, your heart skips a beat and butterflies wiggle in your stomach. Calm down, Sis.

Any strange move will spell desperation. And you know what?

Some weak men will take advantage of your desperation, spend your money, grind you under the sheets, and dump you without a second thought.

Which lady deserves that? Do you even deserve that?

Talk to men as brothers. Treat the men around you as brothers. Your heart may be drawn to someone but you can show self-control. Investigate before investing your emotions into someone oblivious to your worth.

See, love is based on knowledge. It’s what you know about him that determines if you want to be his helpmeet or not. Watch his actions and words through brotherly eyes before you wish things took a new step.

#4. Pray For Your Man

In a previous blog post, I mentioned my friends and I are spending the next 90 days praying for our husbands.

Understand your heart is precious. Understand you are a special breed of God’s creation. You can’t afford to allow a stranger, gold digger or a tout make you bear his name.

Marriage is a spiritual/physical phenomenon instituted by God. You have to do your part in the realm of the spirit.

Remember to mix your prayer with faith. And your expectations will not be cut short.

#5. Remember, You Are The One To Make Your Marriage Work

The amazing part of being a suitable helpmeet is this:

You choose whom you want to submit to or help. No man barges into your life to coarse you into substituting your father’s name with his.

So, you must know what and who you want before you commit.

Can you handle his excesses? Are you comfortable with the way he handles money?

Do you have a background idea of how he treats his parents and siblings? Do you think he will treat you well?

Do you know his attitude toward sex?

Do you know his attitude to work?

I suggest you let no one, not even a biological clock rush you into an event that’ll ruin your life and lead you on the rusty path of regrets.

The success of your marriage is up to you. People won’t make it work for you. Age won’t make it work for you.

It’s your responsibility, girl. So, what’s the anxiety about?

You Are Complete Without A Man

Let me say it again:

You are complete without a man.

You are in a class of your own without any contender.

And you are a queen. A real queen with a unique crown.

I encourage you to fight back, wrestle Miss Critic to the ground and proclaim loudly, “Enough! I am complete without a man. I am a virtuous woman. I am clothed with dignity. My king will find me according to God’s mercy and timing. This waiting process will turn in my favour. My character is built on excellence.”

Add to the list in your own words.

See me patting your back or rubbing your hand, dear Lady. Let’s walk in faith together.

Let’s tear down the walls of inferiority complex, self-pity, and dissatisfaction. Let’s immerse ourselves in the waters of purpose and passion.

Let the feeling of not having a boyfriend at this age go. Let’s stop giving the enemy a foothold in our minds. We are better than this.

Let’s promise to be sincere and nice no matter what, and let’s trust God wrought a miracle in our lives.

God will work even this for our good.

Are you with me?