If you’ve been in Church for a while, you would have attended a Retreat or Seminar for Singles. Even the online world has incorporated relationship into its packages.
The reason is simple:
“Marriage is either a long happy journey, or a long tale of sorrows.”-Ocheli Okutepa
Two days ago, I came upon a Relationship Master Class on a closed WhatsApp group. Sure, they might change the content and dwell on some concepts, but the basic idea is the same.
You learn how to:
• position yourself to meet the true one;
• treat the opposite sex before and after affirming your love;
• listen and attend to your partner’s needs;
Despite these meetings, you still see marriages crashing.
I’m of the opinion the partners are to blame.
A marriage ends in divorce after the tragic death of their children. Would you attribute the failure to the devil? You’d listen to the couple’s version before reaching a verdict. If they had listened to the doctor’s counsel seven years ago as regards their genotype, the divorce could have been averted.
They failed to realize the season of courtship involves talking about the real deal.
“If Love is blind, marriage will open your eyes.” – Anonymous
Today, you’ll discover seven conversations you shouldn’t ignore while dating. But first, let’s examine what you should do with your lips.
Come with me.
What Lovers Do With Their Lips
Lovers communicate. I can almost hear your thoughts…“Of course! Faith’sPen, we talk.” Let me burst your bubbles. Communication is a big deal. It is more than talking. It’s speaking, listening, understanding, and responding to what is being said. So, when I say communicate, I mean…
Below are compelling conversations you shouldn’t ignore:
1. Share Your Past Sexual Sin
Past sexual sin does not fade away like a dream. They hang on for a lifetime in your memories. But when you fail to understand the benefits of being in Christ Jesus, you’ll be ravaged by guilt and shame.
Though painful, it’s necessary you are honest about your past with your mate. You don’t have to dredge every sordid detail. Just let the person into a glimpse. If a child came out of that affair, spill it. Even if your partner walks away after the confession, realize God is able to bring someone better into your life.
But don’t make the mistake of claiming to be ‘clean’ when your cupboard is laced with cobwebs.
Here’s a quote from Dennis Rainey wrapping this thought:
“It’s better to speak the truth prior to your marriage than to live with the fear, deceit, and shame that comes from hiding the truth from your mate.”
2. Reveal Your Health Status
Back in 2010, there’s was a brother whose moral stance I admired. He never hugged, or held hands with ladies. He was a BRO. His fiancé testified theirs was a sex free relationship. Few months later, the marriage crashed.
Bro was impotent. Impotency, cloaked in spirituality. Na so the babe waka.
If you suffer a health challenge, talk to your mate. Don’t coat it with tongues and morality. If you do that, you are a hypocrite. Love does not deceive. Don’t play deceit and say you did it because you loved the person so much and didn’t want the person to walk away.
If you claim to love me, open up. If it’s something I can handle, why not?
3. Paint a Picture of Your Style of Appearance
This one eh, carry better weight. Shey, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder?
You must communicate what appearance means to you, to avoid friction in future.
• Is your mate cool with exposed cleavages, miniskirts, or gowns?
• Does your mate fancy coloured weavons, tattoos, make up, anklets, and nail polish?
• Does your mate fancy dreads, low cut or gorimakpa?
• Is your mate cool with trousers?
I’ll not marry a man who will stop me from wearing trousers. Mmba! I’m not a makeup freak either. In fact, I’ve never fixed my nails or used nail polish in my life. But if near Hubby wants any of these, I can adjust. But to stop me from wearing trousers, again I say, MMBA.
Deal with appearance before you become man and wife. It matters.
4. Decide on Your Choice of Church
Marriage is a blend of carnality and spirituality. The man is the spiritual head of the family. You must agree on which Church you would attend when you get married.
Don’t play love and say it doesn’t matter. Or claim to change your partner after marriage.
If you can’t settle for a particular denomination,biko, find your route. You can’t afford to groom confused children who would be tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine.
5. Talk about Finances
• What’s your mate’s take on personal savings, and spending?
• Does your mate believe in tithing and first fruit?
• Would you run a joint account?
• Who keeps the money?
• Who drafts the budget?
Money matters shouldn’t be ignored.
6. Talk about Food
I am not a foodie. But most of my male friends are. I’ll be foolish to conclude all men are foodies. The wise thing to do is discover my mate’s eating habits. What he likes and how he likes it. Wisdom is required he does same for me.
I dread dates at restaurants. Take me anywhere but not the restaurant, except on demand. I guess you’re reasoning what I like as food.
You have a responsibility to make your mate happy.
By the way, I love grilled chicken and macaroni. I’m not interested in salad.
7. Spell Your Vision
Don’t talk about other points I’ve raised, and fail to discuss vision.
Before you become one flesh, what’s the vision for your union?
Dear Sister, you aren’t in a man’s life to give him the latest sex style. You’re bonded to help him fulfill vision. You must be able to assess current changes and take advantage of them.
When your man sees opportunities, can you transform them into tangible realities?
Intending couples sit and talk about what they want to achieve, together.
Forever till death do you part is too short to make babies only.
Bro, sell your vision to your fiancée. Let her into what God has called you to do. You don’t need to hide. Let her in. Every woman is blessed with the ability to multitask. She may even bring ideas you never thought existed.
Be involved in your woman’s vision, as well.
Why won’t Hubby read my blog posts? Wahala go dey o.
There are literally hundreds of conversations singles should engage in, but let’s wrap it here.
I believe in a healthy marriage that glorifies God and inspires the next generation.
And by God’s grace, mine would be one.
So, don’t leave the success of your marital life to chance. Divorce can be avoided if you take advantage of these conversations.
There’s hope, right?
©FaithsPen, 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided full and clear credit is given to Faith’sPen with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.