Let’s keep this real:
Sometime ago, you didn’t reason you stop by a blog post suggesting ways to deal with your feelings for your ex.
By the way, you were in love with someone who complemented you;
Your ex lit your world with the brightness of an amazing personality;
Your ex rocked your world until night and day kissed each other.
Cast your thoughts to those electrifying, soothing moments of companionship.
Your heart swelled when your eyes locked. For some, lips parted for a French kiss.
How about the never ending calls? Chats, gifts, emotions invested…
Something went wrong and fiam… you lost this treasure. You wanted the relationship to continue, but the other party wanted out.
You tried to fix it, all to no avail. The other person may have messed up and you were willing to give another chance only to be shut out like a piece of garbage.
How do you handle the circumstance especially when your feelings are intact? They burn at the mention of your ex’s name or the partial sight of him or her. Such a real life rocker!
Maybe you resorted to doing what I did in 2011, when my relationship crashed.
News Flash: Dealing with your feelings for your ex isn’t easy peasy. Invested emotions cannot be retrieved easily by a hasty decision.
You need to go through a process.
In this post, I share six points on how to deal with your feelings for an unforgettable ex.
You’ll learn how to convert your pain into a treasure.
Let’s dive in:
#1 Accept it’s over
I understand this is easier written than done. However you can achieve this if you believe you can. And take steps towards your belief.
The power of belief is action.
Before my relationship in 2011 ended, my ex told me twice he wanted us to end. I begged him. I wept. I reminded him of the commitment we made to each other. I spoke to people to talk to him. I couldn’t bring myself to accept him not being a part of my life any longer. The more I begged, the more he hurt me.
Realize you are in control of your emotions; not the other person’s. If you manipulate the person into staying with you, you’ll hurt yourself.
Find freedom in the knowledge the relationship is over. And accept it.
#2 Attend To Something Else
Did you notice I said, attend to something; not someone? If you invest your emotions quickly into someone else, you’ll become clingy and weigh your new partner down. Believe me; you’ll end up hurt again.
Once a relationship is over, you require laser focus on your dream, drive, or passion. Channel the pain or your feelings, to your drive. Trust me; you’ll see vividly how pain fuels passion. You’ll figure out why it was necessary that relationship ended.
Today, I’m grateful my relationship didn’t work. No room for regrets.
Instead of indulging in self-pity, shame and restlessness, channel your pain into a venture for good.
Isn’t it said pain serves a purpose?
#3 Keep your Gifts
February 14th, 2011, my ex gave me a gift-Nokia C3. I considered it a perfect valentine gift at the time. One day after a misunderstanding, I returned the phone after taking out my sim card and memory cards.
Looking at that event, I laugh at my younger self. So immature…
Returning gifts after a break up is a show of immaturity. Yeah, you may say, “Seeing them reminds me of the other person.”
And here’s my response: Can you return the time spent together? Can you return the airtime spent on calls? Can you give back the virginity? (If it ever happened). If no is your response, keep your gifts.
Your ex gave those things to you as a display of love. So, keep your gifts.
About my phone, when we made up, I retrieved it.
#4 Don’t Stalk on Social Media
Stalking on social media sucks. When you are overtly obsessed about your ex’s social media platforms, you’ll be depressed by updates. You’ll give interpretation to every update in the light of your failed relationship.
Refrain from checking the other person’s profile or relationship status.
I don’t encourage blocking or hitting the unfollow button.
Once, a crush blocked me on Facebook. Did it hurt? Yes, it did. Because I expected more. After a deafeaning silence, a block. He looked too smart for that.
On the other hand, I wanted to do same on other social media platforms. But I reasoned differently. Doing so would place me on his level. His action had no power over my reaction unless I allowed it.
Blocking your ex isn’t the answer. What if you bump into each other on the street or in a seminar? There’s a matured way of dealing with issues.
#5 Talk to Someone
Share your worries with someone who can listen to you. Bottling it may leave you as an emotional wreck.
Above all, talk to your heavenly Father. He is very much interested in your emotional health. No spiritual gymnastics. Just you, your God and maybe, your tears.
#6 Accept your Faults
Since it takes two to make a relationship, then it takes two to make it fail. I stand to be corrected.
When my ex left, I reviewed the lost relationship. Hundred per cent of the blame couldn’t have come from him. Examinations strengthened my decisions to move on, as well. Putting sentiments aside, I saw where I missed it.
Now, don’t accept faults with a condemning mind-set. Learn from your mistakes and move on. This arms you with a mind-set of responsibility. Take charge.
More to dealing with feelings for your ex exists, but I’d like to drop my pen, here.
You aren’t helpless emotionally. You are powerful enough to focus your attention and feelings on something instead of someone who flipped you off. When the time is right, you’ll find love in the right place.
Believe me when I say there’s hope if you give yourself a chance.
Right now, God is working all the elements of your life together for good (Romans 8:28).
This time in your life is part of your story. The pains you’re going through- no matter how difficult- are part of the very happy ending He has planned out.
Do you know how else to deal with feelings for your ex? Feel free to share in the comments.