How To Relate With Your Partner Before You Say I Do

Danielle bunched the duvet over her petite body. Her husband, Daniel laid beside her praying in loud tones.

Another miserable night had arrived. Upon realization the man she’d sworn to be committed to till death did them part wasn’t whom he claimed to be, she wanted a divorce.

A tear flowed, followed by another and another, soaking the fluffy pillow. With one hand she wiped her face as she turned her back to him.

She knew he heard her cries, but was focused on praying rather than her feelings. Whose fault was it? Hers or his? Now wasn’t the time to point an accusing finger. She wanted to sleep soundly and wake to the realization this was over. Putting her hands over ears, she drew her knees up to her stomach. Still she heard his voice and his rhythmic tongue.

She was lost and sex starved.

She wallowed in memories, reminiscing about her early days with Daniel. They met at a Conference held in her Church in 2017. All zonal heads were required to converge in Lagos at the time. Daniel was a student Pastor serving in one of the zones.

Fortunately, he was assigned to review an outline with the entire team. Danielle was the secretary of the event. As the facilitators proceeded with the review, she took notes.

A question and answer session struck a conversation between them. Three months later, their hearts did beat for each other.

Daniel blew Danielle off her feet by the manner he related with women. He neither hugged nor held hands with them. Everyone knew he was a ‘spirikoko’. Because of his attitude, Danielle didn’t see the need to talk to him about keeping relationship boundaries.

For a year, Daniel made no sexual advances. He didn’t even try to kiss her. Brother was on fire.

He encouraged her to pray and study her Bible diligently. And Danielle was excited about finding a godly man.

When Daniel asked the big question, she accepted his proposal. Moreover their names blended. This was a confirmation their union was the will of God.

Danielle’s Pastor encouraged her to review her relationship. “Marriage is more than praying in tongues and fasting. You need to learn how to spice up your marriage.”

“I know Pastor. When we get to that bridge, we’ll cross it. Daniel is a spiritual man. I can’t afford to let him slip through my fingers.”

Two months later, Daniel and Danielle became man and wife. But a problem lurked.

It’d been seven days since they tied the knot. On their wedding night, Daniel suggested they dedicate the day to the Lord. Danielle gave in to the idea even though she wasn’t cool with it. The second day came. No show. Daniel covered up with the need to fast.

It was on the fifth day Danielle heard the most horrible story of her life. And most importantly, she had become a part of the mix. How could she have been so less discerning?

Daniel confessed to being impotent. When she asked why he did marry her, he said he needed company. And that he had faith God will change their story like He did for Abraham.

His prayers irritated her. But she was caught in the web already. Obviously, she didn’t relate with him while dating.

How Do You Relate With Your Partner While Dating?

R-Relax Your Emotional Nerves

Consider these questions

• Why do you need a partner?

• What are your reasons for choosing your partner?

• Would he or she become a liability or an asset in the long run?

• Are you willing to be committed to your partner in good and bad times?

Wherever you are headed in life determines who joins your flight.

If your destination isn’t crystal clear, anyone who walks up your path and speaks your love language may look like ‘the one’.

E- Enquire Before You Invest

Receive instruction in wise dealing and the discipline of wise thoughtfulness, righteousness, justice, and integrity (Proverbs 1:3 AMP).

Dare to ask questions.

• Do your dreams and vision align?

• Are you compatible spiritually, intellectually and physically?

Don’t be blinded by certain character strengths or fickle feelings. Make medical, spiritual and family enquiries.

L- Love Freely

My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love one another (1 John 4:11 MSG).

Love is beyond what you say or do. Love is actually the motive behind what you say or do.

A- Attend To Accountability

• Kiss deceit goodbye.

• Exchange gifts.

• Guard your partner’s emotions.

• Keep your partner’s secrets.

T-Tenacity Should Be Your Core Value

• Would you be strong for the both of you?

• Are you ready to make your marriage work?

• Would you walk away if they stripped before you?

E- Encourage One Another

• Pray for your partner.

• Be involved in their passion.

• Watch their backs.

• Don’t be the reason they hurt.


The world is moving at a fast pace. You can’t afford to stay stuck because you married the ‘wrong’ person.

When you have a living relationship with Christ, you’ll be sensitive to pitfalls and wolves in sheep clothing.

Did I miss any point? Feel free to add a note in the comment section.

Related Reading: The Reason For Romantic Relationships

Related Reading: 4 Important Signs He Isn’t The One For You

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