Waiting for a Spouse: A Word to a Discouraged Single

The first draft of this article was written on Sunday at 2:43am. I scribbled with great faith for that single man or woman who has become discouraged in the midst of the daunting wait.

Have you noticed the recent rise in wedding invites and pre-wedding shots on Facebook and Instagram? In fact some services don’t end until an engaged couple is introduced in church.

If you are seated there, you would recount tragic stories that make you squirm in your chair-crushes, ex boyfriends , ex girlfriends. And you are made to give a thought, “When will my time come? 2018 is almost giving way to 2019”.

Let me give you small gist:

Recently my kid brother called. We spoke at length before he mentioned, “Abeg do marry. I wan carry your pickin”. To my foreign readers, he said, “Get married soon. I want you hold your child in my arms”.
I told him to pray well.

You see, once you hit mid-twenties, and you haven’t brought home a potential spouse or you aren’t in a relationship, all eyes are on you, with great concern.

If you are in your early or late thirties and no one looks at you specially, the air seems to choke you to death; stuffing large doses of discouragement down your gorge.

How do You Get Rid of the Discouragement?

Now realize discouraging moments come to us all, but you must deliberately convert the lemons life give you into lemonade. So let’s dive into how you’ve got to get rid of discouragement:

1. Focus: Focus on your purpose, and the strategies you need to employ to get there. Focus on your God given assignment.

Concentrate your energy on something that works. Something that makes you a solution to your world. Something that produces generational impact. Focus on something that will outlive you.

Focus on being the solution instead of the problem. Focus on being eternally relevant. Focus on accomplishing results. Focus on your passion. Focus on something definitive. Focus on God.

One man after God’s heart expounds on this:

“Now also when I am old and gray headed, O God, do not forsake me, Until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone who is to come” (Psalm 71:18)

The word of God gives you a mindset.

Focus on declaring God’s strength and His power to everyone who is to come.

I encourage you to get a life. Find meaning to what you do. Grow intellectually, spiritually and financially. It is great folly to pause your life because a seeming delay.

Focus on the smiles you can put on the faces of people rather than the tears of missing a Boo or a Bae.

2. Interpret your single status correctly: I use glasses due to a refractive error. The ophthalmologist diagnosed myopic astigmatism, prescribing corrective lens.

When the lens through which you view life is myopic, your vision of the future is blur. If your vision is blur, interpretation of the present is distorted.

A distorted view of your single status will give anxiety and worry an inroad into your life.

The great writer of Philippians has this to say:

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns” (Philippians 4:6).

If you haven’t found a spouse yet, it is for a purpose. I can’t explain it. But I know it is true. Now is the time to discover and polish your giftings. Now is the time to become a better version of yourself.

Refuse to give into desperation.

Any man or woman will look like the one until you spend a week as man and wife. You can’t settle for less. You deserve more. I want you to be able to look him or her in the eyes five years from now and say, “Thank God I found you.”

Be cool. Be calm! Be collected.

With great understanding and vision, you’ll realize the wait was in your favour.

3. Pray: Pray, not complain. Pray with faith in your heart to the God who is the author of all love stories.

Read some romantic verses from Songs of Solomon 1:12-16 (MSG):

“When my King-Lover lay down beside me, my fragrance filled the room. His head resting between breasts-the head of my lover was a sachet of sweet myrrh. My beloved is a bouquet of wildflowers picked just for me from the fields of Engedi. Oh my dear friend! You’re so beautiful! And your eyes so beautiful-like doves! And you, my dear lover-you’re so handsome! And the bed we share is a forest glen”.

God is interested in your love story.

I let God know about my crushes and it does help me guard my heart and emotions.

Sometimes I write about it.

Below is a snippet from my journal dated 22/4/2017:

“Lord I need Your wisdom and Spirit to guide me with…… My heart is with him and You know it. But I want to be in Your will.”

God didn’t say yes or no. He led me to something that opened my eyes about the brother. I was hurt. I cried and had to let go.

God will listen if you are willing to talk to Him about your emotional needs.


Your worth is not defined by the presence or absence of a spouse.

Worrying unnecessarily makes you look older than you are. You could even lose your spouse in the process.

Channel your strength into what really matters. People will come the brightness of your rising.

Celebrate your life. Some married folks of your age group are deceased or in the hospital fighting for their lives.

Celebrate your life. Be friendly. Be nice.

Somehow humans are knitted in heart. When substance meets substance, there is a connect in spite of age differences, distance and financial barriers.

Stay on course. Accomplish all God has called you to do. Your love story will one day be written.

Thanks for reading.

Read this: 4 Things Every Man Must Know Before and After 30

Read this: 20 Motivational Quotes for Love Relationships

Read this: How To Make Lemonade When Life Gives You Lemons

Which point did I leave out? Feel free to leave a comment.

4 thoughts on “Waiting for a Spouse: A Word to a Discouraged Single”

  1. I was waiting for this post and was wondering when how much longer. But this statement here,
    “When substance meets substance, there is a connect in spite of age differences, distance and financial barriers.” was worth the wait. Pure wisdom 👍

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very beautiful post. You wrote very encouraging lines for the singles out there.
    “substance meets substance….. Connect in spite of differences….. ” is very very true.
    People can connect, come together inspite of differences, if they are right for each other.

    Liked by 1 person

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